


For Your Happiness

by Anonymous



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Blood, Crying, Deliberate Badfic, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Pining, Secretly Broken On The Inside, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Unrequited Love, Wangst, Woobie!Tomoyo, love realized too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tomoyo's love for Sakura is so strong she would do anything to ensure her happiness. Even if it meant removing herself from the picture forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Your Happiness

Alone in the dark of her room, her sanctuary, a young girl wept bitter tears. Her heart ached with the weight of a love unrequited, unrecognized by the object of her undying devotions. No matter what she did, she would never mean to her love what her love meant to her.

"Sakura-chan..."

Tomoyo sniffled, her face buried in her pillow, which was becoming soaked. She lifted her head and glanced around her room, she was surrounded by pictures of Sakura, a videotape of Sakura playing on her movie screen, a little plush Sakura doll lay on her bed beside her. She held that doll in her arms at night, but sadly, it was no substitute for the real Sakura's warm body.

But the real Sakura would never be hers, she had long since realized. At the tender age of twelve, she knew her longings would forever go unfulfilled, that Sakura would never understand. Sakura would grow together with _him,_ they would marry and have children and live happily ever after while Tomoyo would remain alone. Forever alone.

Pondering these sad truths just made her sob harder, Tomoyo clutching the doll in her arms. Her only true companion.

"I only wish for Sakura-chan's happiness," she whispered to the darkness, "but what of mine? Is my existence truly productive to her happiness, or to my own misery? She no longer needs me as she once did, for she has him now. I offer her nothing, I cannot aid her in battle and I cannot give her children. I cannot be the one she deserves. And yet...I cannot imagine a life without her. She is all I have. Without Sakura-chan, I may as well not exist."

She was nothing special. A rich girl, yes, but she had no special powers or abilities. She had no other friends. Nobody felt for her as she did for Sakura. Her mother loved her, yes, but she was constantly working and had so little time for her daughter. And her bodyguards were just there to protect her.

She was alone. She had nothing. Her life meant nothing.

Why should she continue to stay alive?

Tomoyo sniffled, reluctantly let go of her doll and stood up. She went to her desk, took out a sheet of paper and a pen, and began to write. Her tears continued to slip down her cheeks, wetting the paper and smudging the ink in places, but Sakura would surely be able to read it. Tomoyo carefully taped the note to the front of her door, where Sakura would see it before seeing anything else. Then, she removed a blade from a secret compartment in her desk, pushed her sleeve up and pressed the sharp edge to the soft skin of her wrist.

"I love you, Sakura-chan."

She pressed down, slid it upwards, and watched her life's blood flow from the wound. Already feeling a bit dizzy, she took care of her other wrist and laid down on her bed. She felt her young life bleed from her, smiling softly at her ceiling. Soon, it would be over. The pain would end.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sakura was worried. Tomoyo hadn't shown up at school in three days and she was beginning to wonder if the simple cold was becoming much more. She skated her way to the Daidouji mansion, the guards letting her pass and enter the house.

"Tomoyo-chan!" she called, even knowing only her echo would respond in such a large space. She made her way upstairs, where it was still quiet. Much too quiet. She felt an ill sense of unease in her stomach and in her heart. Was Tomoyo worse? Had her cold become something dangerous like pneumonia...or cancer? She tried to keep herself calm as she rushed towards Tomoyo's bedroom. The door was unlocked, and there was a note taped to it. Sakura gasped as she began to read.

_Dearest Sakura-chan,_

_By the time you read this, I will be elsewhere. I regret that you must find out this way, and I am truly sorry. But you are a strong, wonderful person who will live well for the rest of your life. You are surrounded by love, friends and magic. Whereas I have none._

_I have only ever wished for your happiness, Sakura-chan. When I told you how I felt two years ago, I meant it with all my heart. I truly do love you. You are the stars and the sun and the moon to me, and you deserve everything your beautiful heart desires. My dreams are filled of you, longing and wanting and desire, even knowing you can never return such feelings. You and he are truly meant to be._

_So I must gracefully bow out, knowing I can never have what I truly want. You may think me selfish, Sakura-chan, but please, do not blame yourself. I am forever lonely and miserable, and I would never want to burden you with my pain. Please, my beloved Sakura-chan, live happily ever after with your prince. Do not dwell upon me, for I am unworthy._

_Goodbye. Arigatou._

_Love always,_

_Daidouji Tomoyo._

"Tomoyo-chan!" she cried out, pushing the door open and hurrying inside. Tomoyo would never do such a thing, would she? She was always so happy, she seemed so content with her lot in life. But...if she truly felt this way, did this mean her smiles had all been false? Sakura rushed to Tomoyo's bed and found the pale girl lying still, as though she were asleep...until Sakura saw the pool of crimson fluid around her, soaking into the sheets.

" _Iie!!_ " she wailed. She was too late. Daidouji Tomoyo had already passed on into the next world, life taken by her own hand. Sakura wept as she gathered the limp, delicate form into her arms, tears falling against Tomoyo's silky hair. "Tomoyo-chan, why...?" She thought of the note, of how Tomoyo had been broken inside for so long and hidden it behind those smiles. Those beautiful angelic smiles she would never see again. That beautiful voice she would never hear again.

Tomoyo loved her. That was what she had been trying to say all along, and Sakura had never realized. How could she have been so blind? And now, Tomoyo was dead, and it was her fault. She sobbed bitterly, hating herself, knowing this was all her doing, she'd taken Tomoyo for granted and it had taken such a tragedy to open her eyes to the fact that Tomoyo was the one she truly loved. The one she should have loved all along.

And now, it was too late.

She would break up with Syaoran, tell him to find another love. Someone who deserved him. Someone who understood. Someone who didn't drive a beautiful angel to become a literal angel with her blindness. She would never find a new love, never marry. Instead, she would remain alone. Forever alone.

It was a fitting punishment for a person like her, after all.

"Gomen nasai, Tomoyo-chan. Aishiteru," she whispered. The words fell upon dead ears, and Sakura wept more.

**Author's Note:**

> I firmly believe Tomoyo is weeping for Sakura on the inside and would kill herself if she could not be together with her one true love. It pisses me off that she was so obviously the love interest, but CLAMP buckled under peer pressure from the fans to pair Sakura with an asshole who doesn't deserve or appreciate her. Tomoyo, as the story mentions, has nothing or nobody else in her life to keep her going should she lose Sakura. Her mother loves her, but her work is more important. Her friends see her only as Sakura's loyal follower, not their own friend. Sakura is all she has. If she loses Sakura, she has no life.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [For Your Happiness - Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2236770) by Anonymous 




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